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The Chancers

by Damian Lanigan

A fantastic parody of everything showbiz - a bit like reading your favourite celeb mag. I'm not sure if actors really are paranoid, neurotic, competitive and self-obsessed but it would be great to think they all are. It would definitely mean they were an entertaining bunch. A great advert to remind you never to go into acting!

Extract

Borg has invited himself over again. He's my new best friend. I find it undesirable to be separated from him. He's funny and strange, tells me good rude stories about famous actors and their perversions. X likes boys. Y likes girls. N likes lying under a glass coffee table while a motorcycle messenger craps on it ... Borg is also a theorist.
'The world, Patrick, it's a terrible place. More and more fame-crazy fuck-ups, all of them more and more desperate to get the love they didn't get at home from some audience or other media outlet. It won't be too long before the entire population consists of starlets and moguls.'

Parallels

  • Heat - the magazine
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