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If You're Reading This I'm Already Dead

by Andrew Nicoll

A wonderful, totally bonkers John Buchan pastiche - but with women. And remember that if anyone ever asks you to set out with your best friends to make yourself King of Albania, refuse. Just don't agree, unless they offer you a circus troupe, Mata Hari, a hero from a John Buchan novel and a camel. Even then, run like hell, especially if they leave out the camel.

Extract

Every step of the grand staircase had a lancer standing on it as an honour guard, every one of them with a brass helmet, polished thin and gleaming like the sun, and horsehair plumes hanging down his neck and black shiny boots up over his knees, and every one of them holding a pig-sticker that scraped my ceiling or threatened my lovely chandelier.

Parallels

Royal Flash by George MacDonald Fraser
Greenmantle by John Buchan
The Prisoner of Zenda by Anthony Hope
 

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